Living the Life of Riley

This story was written for the dog story homework assignment earlier this semester. I wrote it about the world from the viewpoint of a pompous cat, which made for a fun write. It was fun to take on the roll of an animal and trying to translate their thoughts to text. Enjoy.

I do tell you there is no life better than that I get to live. The life of a feline is unlike any other in the animal kingdom. We get to eat all we want, we have all the freedom we could ever dream of, and we have a family that we can use and twist in any way we so desire. Being the sophisticated feline I am, I can waltz around along fences, roofs and trees all day long, then come home and get all the food I could ever dream of. Then it’s back outside to go on the hunt.

Anytime I want something, there’s one simple way to get it. All of us in the feline community know how to twist our pitiful families’ arms. To get my treats of choice, or a new toy, or anything, all I have to do to win my humans over is one thing: the kitty eyes. For example, one day I wanted a new spool or yarn, as I had just destroyed the last of my latest spool. All I had to do was look my owner, Tim, straight in the eyes, break out the kitty face, and use the most stupid, overplayed phrase of all: “Meow!” As soon as he saw the eyes and heard my apparently adorable meow, he realized my yarn was out.

He replied, “AWWWWW! Is your yarn out?!?!?!?! I’ll run straight to the store to get you a new spool-no, I’ll get you TEN new spools! Anything for the cutest kitty in the world!”

Pitiful humans. Not only will they buy us whatever we want, but they’ll pet us for HOURS on end! It’s like they have all the patience in the world! Even when I shed all over their hands, clothes, furniture, and just about everything else, it’s like they just don’t care. They just keep petting! I love using my owner’s patience against them.

In addition, being a genius feline has another added benefit: teasing the local neighborhood dogs. I’ll tell you about my favorite trick of all. Whenever we cats are hanging about lazing around in the sun, and see the local gang of dogs, we run right in front of them. Now, the dogs are faster than us, so after some time they get very close. But we are cats, after all. We would never get caught. Right as the dogs get just close enough to nearly catch us, we find the nearest tree, and all jump up it as fast as we can. We climb to the first branch and taunt the dogs from our new vantage point until they all leave. That one always gets the gang a good laugh.

So as you see, the life of one of us genius cats really is the one to live. We get to eat, sleep, hunt, get pet, and whatever else we want, whenever we want it. We get to tease dumb dogs, use dumb humans to our advantage, and basically anything we so desire. So enjoy your life as whatever wasteful being you are, because nothing can compare to the joys of being a cat.